I scared of growing up not dieing

Im starting a 500 cal diet. Right now i want to fast. But whatever. things go how they go. Dosnt matter to me as long as im 150 by my birthday (September 2) i will be happy. Maybe ill do the ABC diet even though everyone fails it. School starts tomorrow. It will be my last first day of school. I am so scared. I want to cry. I don't want to grow up. I want to go back to the old days. Playing in the mud and having fun in the woods by the house i grew up in. Everyone thinks i want thins moment and that i cant wait to leave. Part of me inside is thinking of failing every class so i don't have to leave. So i don't have to grow up. Its stupid really but im that scared. I don't want to have to worry about money or where my next meal is coming from or making house payment or rent payments. I don't want to have to work everyday for the rest of my life. I don't want to fall in love and get married and have kids. I want to be the kid. Every day im growing older and it scares me. Not the fact that im going to die soon or anything. I scared of growing up not dieing. Wheres the rewind button. Is their a phobia of growing up cause i have that.