Did the salt water flush. It was horribly cause I put in a ton of salt for it to work. So gross. And it (TMI) gave me gas. Pluse its been an hour and hasnt done anything. It is making my body make weird noises. So I hope its just taking its time cleaning out really well. But it did make me not hungery so my intake for today is 150 (counting gum) so thats good. I might just drink salt water to keep me from eating. Ill probably just do another fast next week to clean it out. Oh and it made me tired(no idea why). I was reading up on birth control and it said some can make you lose like ten pounds and make your boobs bigger. I like my boobs but losing ten pounds would be wicked. I weigh about 162. Thats at the end of the day with water salt and pudding in me pluse wet hair and cloths. Yes I ate pudding cause it only had 60 calories. And I had two (breakfast and lunch). I will probably do that again tomorrow cause of foods class. I burn 300 at my job so thats should make up for all the foods class stuff ill eat. Or maybe we wont even make anything so I wont have to eat. You all are going to think this weird but I want to be a cook. I love cooking. Just not eating. Odd I know but I can make a dinner that has 250 cal taste good and is filling. I also want to be an airline pilot, a hair dresser, a writer and a corner. I will be able to do airline and hair and maybe writer but chef and corner I dont have the money for schooling. Heres something wrote when I first feel in love with C: Why must my dead heart beat for you my blood pump for you my dry and shrivled eyes shine for you my limpless fingers reach for you my bloodless lips turn red with lust for you my death, pale face blush for you My hair and skin feel like silk for you why must i live for you breath for you think for you move for you why must i love you

All hopes of fasting will end in fail this week. Only one reason. I got my period....ya its sucks. Luckly my mom is gona put me on birth control so I wont get them as much! Also when I get my period I normally put on weight like one to two pounds so that hopefully means iv lost weight cause my weight didnt change. Anyways ya. I had a 350 ish cal breakfast. I know thats alot but tomorrow ill hard boil an egg and eat that. It will be 70 cal if I put nothing on it. And then hopefully tonight andtomorrow night ill have soup and thats 310 at the most so I shouldnt go over. 1000 ya! I got my ren fair dress and its alittle small but still fits so it will hopefully be less tight when I lose atleast ten pounds. I want to lose 15 or twenty but I have 4 week tops so it might happen with 15 but twenty is most likely a dream unless I fast next week and the week after. But Saturdays are to had to avoid even foods class so it should most likely be 15 and im ok with that cause ill be in the 140s and I havnt been there for about 4 year. And we only have 7 weeks of school left so ill.have all summer to fast and work out so im hope by the end of summer ill be in the 120s im not going to push this goal cause as you get smaller the weight is harder to lose. But still Also I found a way to motivate me to start working out. The end of the world! Ya I know it wont happen and probably not in my life time. But our state is due for a big 8. Something earthquake and it might just be what I need. I also need to get used to less food cause there wont be any so I should prep my body now wall I can.(yes iv been watching.dooms day prepares and all of the people on the show are on the chubby side mostly so it help motivate me) but ya. And I want to learn parkor cause its a grate work out and is really cool looking and could help.with end of the world. I know really stupid but its ok. As long as im skinny nothing eles matter. Im also putting money in a jar to save up for pants and stuff. So that way im not spending it on food. I got like 5 dollars but its a start and less calories. I saw N today. I just waved and kept walking. Ill see P at the end of the day(if he is here). Speaking of P this was a few weeks ago but we had to wear glasses and ear plugs to feel like an old person for class and P went right up to my face. So close I could smell his breath. And said something stupid . But it was really. I dont know. Dorky and I stopped breathing and was pretty sure I turned alittle red. Then he did it again cause he thought my eyes.looked cool(everyone dose). It made me alittle happy. Even though I sure he like S. She thin and pretty and ya. But she dose seem like she might have a rude side. Im sad though cause P graduates this year. I know where he works so I could stalk him after(creepy) but I think I would look weird randomly walking around a hotel when I dont have a room. So ya next year. No crushes will go to my school. Also I was texting R last night cause he is leaving school cause his family lost their home. And he was all sad and stuff and took way to many pills. So I said.if he did it again I would cut myself. (clean for 3 months) then I felt bad after for pulling that card. I just didnt want him hurting himself. I mean I know hes sad and stuff but people truly care and love him. I did tell him how I lost my house and other things. Nothing about the ED . But ya. So ....idk iv rambled long enough. Later

Havnt gained or lost. Hopefully this week ill fast if not lose two it 3 pounds not going over 600

ttrue story

"may I please sit in the back with ray" she said this. And I had to agree.i watched as she cuddled him. I blasted the car AC in hopes it would freez my heart. A tear falls. 'dammit you cant cry here' I tell myself. I need to throw up. All the places are closed. Gas station maybe a tree. Cnt tthey will question. Pull over and just walk off. Cant they will fallow. How am I supposed to release this pain. I roll down the window. I need to scream. I hear something. Their talking. Turn up the music I musten hear their words. She lays downonn him. 'im not eating tomorrow' I tell my self. It calms me when it shouldnt. Breath. Tired. Ill fast until he leaves. When he comes back ill stop. Dose she know I like him? Dose he? Im fat Its a normal thing to hear in my head. 'good'i calm myself 'she is still here' As long as she loves me i know one day he will to. And together we cant count my bones

Got my scale im so happy! I didnt fast today but I will tomorrow ill get up clean my room and then watch a movie around 5 ill take 3 sleeping pills a sleep til midnight and weight myself im laying in bed now looking at two dresses that I want to get for the ren fair but cant pick what one.im think the red rose one its small enough that when I lose 10-15 pounds it will still fit. Anyways night time. Good night

Buying my scale tomorrow. My moms said I gained about 2 pound probably 3 after today. I bought zero cal flavored water and made a list of things to do so I dont eat tomorrow. I cant wait to be at my first goal (158) so I can work on my second (155). I like to make small goals cause there easy to get to so ill most likely get to it. Im going to make a list of reward for when I get to each goal. I think at 148 or maybe 152 ill buy some summer pants maybe get them a tiny bit smaller so when I lose more weight they will still fit for some time. Ummm. Ya. I hope I can go for a walk tomorrow. My sister and I are gona go look at dresses for the ren fair when she gets off work. Hopefully burn off a hundred calories or so. Im gona try and not eat with her cause she tends to buy me food every now and then but ill just say all I want is a drink and she will probably let it go. Most of this week im just gona sleep and clean. Hopefully ill take a nap when my mom gets home and get out of dinner. I took out $60 from the bank to buy my scale and ill put the rest in a jar for my summer pants. Anyways. Wish you all luck!

Had to break my fast yesterday had a sleep over and ate to much over 2000 probable so ya. I after alot today to but I fasting tomorrow. Im gona and get rid of all the tempting food. And im making a list of stuff to do to avoid eating so ya. Im gona buy my scale tomorrow so ill tell you how much iv gained. Oh my last weight in was 159.8 so ya most likely gained 5 pounds. But who know maybe I wont eat the rest of today. In fact I wont but I am gona go to the store and buy zero cal flavored water at the dollar store. Anyways ill post more later hopefully from a computer